


hold me in this wild, wild world

by heartbreakordeath



Series: SPN Codas/Fix-its/Missing Scenes [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Coda, Episode: s15e09 The Trap, First Kiss, Fix-It, Inspired by Music, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Missing Scene, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Title From a Bastille Song, i couldnt write this without SOME feels okay??, i promise this isn't that angsty!!, idk there's just a lot of feels idk how to explain it, they're good ones though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-04-25 09:22:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22288177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartbreakordeath/pseuds/heartbreakordeath
Summary: ('cause in your warmth I forget how cold it can beAnd in your heat I feel how cold it can getNow draw me close)Just one of the many, many 15x09 destiel codas I expect to see on here by tomorrow. Cas and Dean get back from Purgatory, and Dean decides he should patch up his angel before they run to save Sam and Eileen.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: SPN Codas/Fix-its/Missing Scenes [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1347997
Comments: 1
Kudos: 122





	hold me in this wild, wild world

There’s half an hour left before the rift closes, and Dean’s right back where he started in this place. Alone, traipsing through the ash-gray forest, hairs raised at the slightest sense of danger, hope fading as the time on his phone ticks away.

And no Castiel in sight.

He yells the name again and again, til his throat’s hoarse and choked up, until he can’t help but bring up all the terrible memories of this place. He remembers the loss, the warring anger and fear that fueled his journey to the river. It should hurt less, now, when he knows that Cas didn’t leave him on purpose, that he had good reason to flee all those years ago.

Instead, it feels worse. It feels  _ so  _ much worse, because there’s a voice returning to the back of Dean’s mind, the one that had whispered doubt into his brain constantly before he’d found his angel. The one that told him that Cas left on purpose,  _ obviously _ , and he  _ always  _ would, whenever he had the chance, because who would  _ ever _ want to stay so close to someone like Dean Winchester?

The voice had, at times, almost convinced him that it was the truth. This time, it doesn’t even have to try.

It has all the ammunition it needs.

* * *

The vision of Cas walking out of the bunker, of him  _ moving on _ , is still playing over in front of Dean’s eyes when he approaches the rift. He’s overthinking, repeating what he’d said to Cas in his prayer and knowing that it wasn’t enough, it would  _ never _ be enough for all the wrong he’d done over the years to the closest friend he ever had.

God, he really had fucked it all up, hadn’t he? 

The thought crosses his mind an instant before Cas materializes behind the next tree.

“Cas,” he breathes. Without thinking he goes in for a hug, like last time, like always. He doesn’t even register the possibility that Cas might reject it until he steps away, staring at him like he’s just dreaming. If the angel notices Dean’s sudden change in expression, he doesn’t comment on it.

Despite it, Dean feels so happy he could kiss Cas when he pulls out the Leviathan blossom. As it is, he can barely contain himself, shaking his head in wonder and pride as they head back to the rift. He  _ never  _ should’ve doubted his angel, the new, lighter voice in his head huffs. Dean swears he can feel it roll its eyes at him.

* * *

Neither of them know how they get back to the bunker safely, but they’re far past suspicion at this point. Whatever the reason, they stumble back into their dimension without a single monster crossing their path, Dean grabbing Cas’s hand without hesitation before they step through the rift. Cas’s heart aches at the memory the gesture brings back, and of course he knows exactly why Dean does it. He offers a small smile as the walls of the bunker appear around them, and Dean, half in disbelief that it was that easy to get Castiel back with him this time, returns it weakly, pulling his hand away.

Castiel heads towards the metal bowl, left out to start the preparation of the spell, when he finds his arm (yet again) caught by the sleeve of his trenchcoat.

“No,” Dean says gruffly, eyeing the still-damp blood staining the coat. “Not yet.”

“But Sam- and Eileen-” 

“You were right,” Dean snaps, but there’s restraint in his tone. He wants to get into the Impala and race towards the casino just as much as Cas does. Cas frowns.

“You were right,” he repeats, softer, letting go of Castiel’s sleeve. “We can’t just go in there and fight Chuck without any weapons. We  _ also _ can’t go in there without being ready to fight. He knows we’re coming, now, but he has no idea  _ when _ . He thought we’d be idiots and go on a suicide mission to save them, which we didn’t, thanks to you.”

Cas isn’t sure whether to take that as a compliment, but he does anyways. “So you’re saying we need a game plan this time,” he says with uncertainty. Dean shrugs.

“Nah. We’ll just waltz in there with guns blazing like always. But Chuck won’t kill Sam, not yet.”

“So…” Cas steps away, places the Leviathan blossom gingerly on the table. “Now what, then?” But Dean’s already headed to the infirmary, gesturing impatiently.

“ _ Dean _ , it can wait. I’m fine!” He protests lamely, wincing as soon as Dean turns his back. He sighs, but follows Dean down the hall anyway.

Cas does get patched up, containing his amusement as Dean fusses over him like a worried husband. Dean ends up kneeling between Cas’s legs as Cas sits on one of the beds, and the location doesn’t seem to register to either of them until Dean cuts the last bandage and carefully tucks the end in on Cas’s arm. He sighs in relief and goes to sit back on his heels, but stops when Cas’s hand comes up to his face.

“Cas-”

“Dean,” Cas says firmly. Dean’s hand lands somewhere on Cas’s thigh, and for a moment the angel’s train of thought is completely derailed. He pulls Dean’s head closer, bringing his other hand up to cup Dean’s bruised cheek gently.

“It’s okay,” he says, the only warning Dean gets before he leans in the rest of the way and gives him a soft kiss. It’s all he has to say, really. He knows from the way Dean relaxes into his touch, the way he doesn’t let Cas get away without another kiss, this one firmer and full of meaning.  _ You’re alive _ , it says.  _ I thought you were dead and I couldn’t let you die thinking that I was still mad at you. I couldn’t let myself leave without you this time. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. _

“I love you,” is what it says, and it’s what Dean blurts into Cas’s neck as he steadies himself against the angel’s leg. He feels arms wrap around him, heavy and grounding, and then there’s lips against his ear, whispering as tears start falling unbidden from Dean’s eyes again. _ I love you _ , the whispers say, and Dean shivers from the closeness.  _ I love you more than I have ever loved anything else in this universe, or in any other universe that there will ever be. _

They stay there for a few moments, the warmth of Cas’s vessel calm against Dean’s trembling shoulders, until Dean shakes himself out of it, kisses his angel one more time for good measure, and pushes himself to his feet.

And despite all this, when Dean offers his hand to help Castiel up, they both remember that Dean isn’t quite the romantic type when Dean says, offhandedly, “Now, let’s go trap your deadbeat dad in a box, huh?”

**Author's Note:**

> wow look at me, writing ANOTHER coda with ANOTHER title taken from a Bastille song,, ugh i'm so predictable


End file.
